Decisions…excerpts from Chapter 17

Immediately after the departure from my profession in November of 2013, there was a flurry of E-mails and phone calls in reaction; now the phone was quiet and I dropped from the line of vision. Chance meetings at the grocery store or bank seemed too infrequent – my peers were on a completely different timeline now and there was nothing in common to discuss.I’d recalibrated my focus, and was now working the front line.

Days that had been totally filled, just a few months ago, with business commitments and a few social outings, began to feel long. Initially, I threw my attention to catching up with housework, and rediscovered detailed meal planning. I took time to read the city paper every morning, and walked the dog twice daily. The second bedroom was overstuffed more than ever with file boxes, totes, and cartons brought from the office when I packed up my career…

I tried to prioritize a list of things to do – sensing still that time was too precious to waste. My energy levels seemed more slack than inspired. I felt displaced and somewhat edgy; previously I’d been well able to schedule and complete tasks regularly, now even trivial tasks required twice as much effort. It never entered my mind that my autopilot switched off.

A former colleague challenged me; she was frustrated and couldn’t comprehend my decision to close my business. “You’ve given up everything you worked so hard for! It’s ridiculous.” Her words smashed me like a hurled brick. Nearly speechless, I could hardly respond. “Everyone is different”, I said, “What works for me may not work for someone else. Staying at home with Tony works for me.”

I whittled away at the boxes of various and assorted possessions, some now redundant and others set aside for reconsideration in the future. Once I committed to the road I was travelling, and that my time at home was a Temporary Assignment only, the simmering feelings of resentment that had begun to feel thorny were replaced with zeal. I had the physical and mental strengths to meet the challenges—it was the surprising emotional ups and downs which added a new twist altogether.

| Uncategorized | | June 19, 2016 • 7:04 am

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