…As Tony faltered, he knew he’d never bounce back to his old self. He’d often simply said, “I’m done”. I vowed that I would provide care at home for him as long as I could manage; with extra help the tasks load eased.
The principles of Hospice were invaluable. I likened facts and methods to valuable additions in my toolkit—ready for use when a job requires knowhow.
I was undaunted by the prospect of tending to Tony whenever he neared the end of his life, intending to be still at his side. For better or for worse are vows held dear.
Innate tenacity and a strong backbone always renewed my vigor when energy flagged. I prided myself in accomplishing a job well done. Caring for Tony was the most rigorous of any. My interpretation of the word FEAR changed from future events appearing real to become face everything and rise after reading the Zig Ziglar quote.
Inspiration also came to me from internet sites based on Alzheimer’s disease/caregivers/motivation.
As explained by Professor Brian Cox* , the “Arrow of Time is an irreversible sequence of events”. While watching a TV program explaining the evolution of the cosmos, hearing these words made me lean forward in my seat. The concept is based on science, the process of time moving in only one direction. The terminology was unfamiliar, but I recognized the parallels instantly. Everyone and everything moves in a one way direction. The familiar reference to “the circle of life” is synonymous.
Throughout the world, there is a rising tide of support for death with dignity. Media reports on TV and in newspapers reflect the heart wrenching steps and implications which ailing, infirm, or terminally ill patients consider in making their personal decisions. Tony watched attentively and voiced his own opinions. The legalities were of no concern to him—and I understood his position. One morning when Tony spoke with intent, I suggested that rather than deliberating about how to end his life, Tony should instead ask his god for merciful release.
He shook his head. “I can’t even think straight. I’m shorting out all the time. But I can’t go yet.” I looked at him then went to sit alongside on the arm of his chair. “Tony darling, you can go. It’s alright. You’ve done enough. Don’t torture yourself.”…