Today is Wednesday, June 10th. I’ve just turned the key in the lock of our home for the last time. I walked away without looking back. It’s been a hellish six months since you died.
You know I’ve always been a go-getter with a lot of guts – knowing you’re still cheering me on has given me the courage to finish this chapter of my life. Everyone has to keep moving – we can’t stand still and we must not look back – so the only other directions are to go forward and up.
So many things have happened since December. Acquaintances have become friends – they came out of the woodwork to help and support me. Everyone’s shaking their heads in admiration. They keep exclaiming to me that “I don’t know how you do it. How can you keep it all together?”
The holiday with my sister that was planned so long ago seemed like a wonderful opportunity for some rest and recuperation after you died. It turned into a nightmare when she died there, in my arms, just four months ago today. Of the three of us, I’m now the last man standing.
When a wife becomes a widow everything changes. I think of you every day, and every night when I look up for that bright star that I call “Dear Tony”. My Mother asked me recently if I missed you – what a weird question! I had to think about the answer – she’s so direct. “Of course I miss Tony’s presence. I don’t miss who he became – I miss how he used to be.” It felt satisfying to say it aloud.
The road has been a hard slug, but we’ve made it! And I have a new key in my hand. A key to my new apartment, a key to new beginnings for me and a new chapter in our story. We’re each in a new place we can call home, you There and me Here. I’m so proud of us both – we accomplished a great feat in our marriage and will be together again in the ever after ahead.
Love you lots,